Not that this will be terribly surprising to anyone, but I got my first “you’ll see!” as a married woman a couple of weeks ago.
It was in the pantry at my office. A woman who I work with, whenever she sees me, says, “There is the newlywed!” I somewhat dread conversations with her, to be honest – she and I have very little in common, and I know she’s just trying to be nice looking to common ground (she moonlights as a banquet server, so she likes to talk about weddings), but she often oversteps. (She seems to love commenting about how the industry my husband has chosen has been hit exceptionally hard by the economy, for example. Please and thank you, do not comment about what my husband “should” be doing for work right now. Not okay.) Her comment the other day, however, really took the cake:
Annoying Coworker: “There’s the newlywed!!!”
Me: *awkward smile*
AC: “How’s married life?”
Me (a little tired of this question, at this point): “Oh, it’s good.”
AC: “Heh. Yeah. I wonder if you’ll be saying that in 30 years.”
Me (floored): “Well, uh, I certainly hope it will be!”
AC: “Yeah. Just you wait. You’ll see!”
Amanda Talar, who blogs over at the Times Union, wrote a great post about how she used to be all for cohabitation before marriage, and now she’s not so sure. (For the record, I think each individual couple must decide for themselves, given their relationship’s unique circumstances, what works best for them – I don’t think there is necessarily an overarching answer to this question.) Anyway, an interesting discussion came up in the comments about how relationships are hard work, and being happy is hard work.
Mine and C’s relationship isn’t perfect. It’s really good. So good, in fact, we decided it was a good idea to link our futures together by getting married. We fight, we get annoyed with one another, we disagree on certain things, but we have decided that the Greater Good is better than the little blips. I’m not 21 and starry-eyed here, thinking we’ll always be twitterpated and lovey-dovey – hell, that stage passed a loooong time ago.
But, aside from that – why is it that someone would wish a miserable marriage on me? I mean, OK, I can understand wanting to bond over the agony that is tablecloths and seating charts (sort of), but I think this takes You’ll See to an unacceptable level. It’s not like I said, “It’s so great because he does all of the dishes after every meal!” and she said, “Heh, just you wait, that won’t last!”
I said married life was “good,” and she said, essentially, “You’ll see.”
When I told C about this, he asked why I didn’t call her on it. Truthfully, it caught me off-guard; in hindsight, I shouldn’t be surprised, but I really was floored that someone would say that. How do you respond to that sort of negativity? Most would say to ignore it, and I don’t disagree, but on the other hand maybe we should be responding to this type of discourse, because it really does need to stop.