Have you ever felt that way? Felt something so strong, that you felt it in your bones?
I tend to go all out when I let myself feel something. For a long time, I tried to resist this urge, and occasionally I still do, because I think I need to put up a stonier front than my nature instinctively wants. I’m not great at suppressing it, and when I do it’s usually like when you’re trying to jam your finger in a dike – well, we all know how that usually ends.
The thing I’ve learned is, you can still feel what you need to feel and express what you need to express without being a total emotive mess all the time. I’m still working on this balance, I haven’t quite struck it yet.
Anyway, the thing I’m most likely to let myself feel without reservation? Exhaustion. Because, as most Type A overachievers, I’m really crappy at saying “no.” Again, I’m getting better at it, but the later you start saying no, the harder it is, since others are not used to hearing it.
My tired-to-the-bones tonight, though, is not because I don’t know how to say no. I’ve had a rollercoaster of a week at work (I know, it’s only Wednesday), that resulted in two major, separate victories. These are few and precious when working in government administration, particularly in a political and fiscal climate as we’re in now. These victories were well-fought and they consumed a lot of my energy in a short amount of time, and I’m really proud of them.
It’s a lot easier to let yourself feel exhaustion in your bones if you know it’s well-earned.